my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
