Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
