The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
