like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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