Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
