life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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