On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
