Barsexuality is the new black.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
