I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
