I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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