First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
This baby is an asshole
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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