I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
