I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
