I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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