did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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