Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
