I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
