True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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