omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
