When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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