they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
