A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
