the condom got lost in my hair
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
