Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
