Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
