guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
