Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
