Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
