I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
