Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
