My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
