So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
