He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
