whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
