Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
