he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
