Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You were trust falling into bushes
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
