TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Its about making memories worth repressing
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
