R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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