I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
