my vag is so smooth its legendary
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
