Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
