Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
