You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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