did you get engaged???
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
