Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
