Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
