Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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