yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you traded sex for a burrito?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
