bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
