the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize