he shaved USA in his pubs
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
