I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
