Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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