I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I can't turn off my feet"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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