dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
