I love black thongs
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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