your room smells of hookers.
And success
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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