just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize