Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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