Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
