In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
