farters have to be the big spoon...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
